Rhapsody in Nighttown

© 2018 Robert Morris Black / Leprechaun Club Music (ASCAP) All Rights Reserved.

Nighttown. The witching hour.
Old flimsy houses. Gaping doors.
Whistles call. Danger signals.
Nameless men on the prowl. Thieves and whores.

We stroll the boreens past the pubs and the docks
And we service the wandering cocks.

Leopold, my son, have you no soul?
Loitering here down under the red lamp!
Mr. Bloom, here in the haunts of sin
Oh, I caught you nicely, scamp!
Dirty married man, you did this to me
When I showed you secrets from my bottom drawer
I hate you for what you did to me
I hate you and I love you even more

We stroll the boreens past the pubs and the docks
And we service the wandering cocks.

The exotic, you see. A little frivol.
If you are so inclined
Caught in the act. Name and address.
Down to the station with your behind!
Put him in the dock.

Gentlemen of the jury,
Please let me explain.
I am a man misunderstood.
A scapegoat, without character stain.
Lady in the case.
Love entanglement.
This is the flower in question.
Obtained with full consent.

Turncoat, viper!
Cuckold, arse-wiper!

I was a housekeep four months in his employ
But had to leave due to his proclivity for girls
While the missus was out, he surprised me in the rear
And discolored my dress with his liquid pearls

Turncoat, viper!
Cuckold, arse-wiper!

He urged me twice to defile my marriage bed
He sent me the most obscene photograph
He implored me to give him a horsewhipping
And to bugger him with a wooden staff

Me too, me too, me too, (Dignam’s corpse) me too!
Because your crimes are so accursed
I hereby declare you King Leopold the First!

Me too! My Hero! Me too! My Hero!

Beloved subjects, a new era is at hand
You are about to enter the golden land
It is a land of milk and honey
Weekly carnivals, free love, free money
It is my promise most solemn

To give you the new Bloomulsalem!

U.P. Up!  U. P. Up! U.P. Up!  U.P. Up!

Lynch him!

As a medical doctor you can trust
Know Bloom is a consequence of unbridled lust
Traces of elephantiasis persist
He is a chronic exhibitionist
Heredity is no excuse
He’s prematurely bald from self-abuse
His vaginal exam has revealed the fact
That Bloom’s virginity is intact
So I must appeal for clemency
For Bloom is about to have a baby
I so want to be a mother

All in a mucksweat, married I see
And missus is master, petticoat government!   

It is fate: you are mine                         
Exuberant female,I desire your domination
Cower before me: Adorer of the adulterous rump!

Smell my hot goat hide, feel my royal weight
Awaiting further orders, hound of dishonor
Bow before me bond slave, at the throne of my glorious heels
Glistening erectness: Adorer of the adulterous rump!

Swab my latrine with a rag tied to your tail
Souse my smelly underclothes, won’t that be nice?
Yes, mistress, hugeness, I will nurse you proper
Empress!  You will drink me piping hot!        


Do as you’re bid sweet dung devourer
I’ll enjoy you with lemon sauce like a slice of suckling pig
And now with this ring I thee wed, thank you mistress
I promise to never disobey
You are mine in earnest, a thing under a yoke
Put on your punishment frock, silky, crinkly, scrapy
Now eye to the keyhole, witness some business with your wife
You may take a snapshot: Adorer of the adulterous rump!

Show, hide, show, hide, push, pull, plunge, dive, slap, plough, pump, stroke, tug, kiss, more, harder, harder, faster, shoot!

Ten shillings!

Time to go home, Stephen.

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